Many Twists and Turns in Life!

Life seems to include so many Twists and Turns that take us down many unknown paths. In my many paths I learn everyday that life is to short to "Sweat the Small Stuff".

I am no great saint in life, I do the usually bitching over things that seem small but get turned into something bigger. Why do we hold onto anger and regret so much in our lives? This I don't know, but I know that our time on this Earth is much shorter then we all realize. We live as though this world is never ending for us and it is wrong for us to do so.

So many times in the past I held ill feelings towards people for pass acts or non-acts and I realize more and more everyday we need to live a life and let things go to be happy. I let go of my ill feels for the wrongs and such in my life. Why things happen the way they do I may never know but I seem to become a better person through these learning lessons. With out those Twists and Turns there would be no learning or strength gained. We are not given a book of how to live day to day, this is something taught and learned throughout our lives.

I am no saint in any means, and indeed I have seen some many lows and some many highs of my life and I am much better with everything that has happened. Do I wish I could go back and change the past? Well yes I do as so many do! But I think to myself where would I start! It's hard to say but I must leave everything where it is and live for the future. One word of advice I would like to give is; don't hold onto regrets and try to live a life for yourself and not others...

Fall is here!

Well its mid September and fall is here in Michigan. Walked out of my house today and felt the nice cold air which comes every year at this time. I always like the changes of the seasons here, kinda gives you something to look forward to when it's warm or cold. Many people complain about the winters here, but I truly love the snow and cold. I guess it's something I have grown use to since I've lived here my entire life.

Not much really going on today, just sitting here relaxing and having lunch. Last few days have been non eventful, except for my wireless internet going down! Now if your online as much as me, its aweful to not be able to get online. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs so guess the internet is my drug if you know what I mean. I can just get on here and let the many stresses of my life go and be in this new world.

Well I am offer to get lost in the Internet World, will be back here in a few!

Tribute to Shane!

I had posted a Tribute to my Twin Brother Shane, but it got lost when I accidently deleted my blog! So here I am making a new one... It's been three months since Shane's passing and my emotions are still mixed and the loss of him is so hard!

Sadly Shane lost his life on June 11th, 2006 after crashing his vehicle into a lake in Indiana at about 3:ooam. Shane leaves behind his kindness, warmth and willingness to help others during his time with us. My bond with my Brother was and will remain the strongest of any bond I have or will ever have with anyone! Shane is not just my Brother, he is my best friend and true heroes. Throughout life I depended on Shane for so much during the good, the bad and what ever life would send my way. No matter what it was, he would always be there for me when ever I needed his support, he is the one person that has truly been my complete support my entire life.

To describe my brother is not easy as he was so wonderful in my eyes. I can think of his kindness and willingness to help strangers during their times of need or hardship. Shane would help anyone if he could, so many times I can remember him giving money to a complete stranger on the street or pulling over on the side of the road to change a tire. He never asked for anything in return but a thank you! He was always a wonderful father to his children, although life had thrown some curves his way he was always there for his children whenever possible. He was truly out spoken and would speak his mind, he didn't live in a fairy tale world!

My life is truly changed since Shane's passing, the death of one so close really has changed my outlook on life and my future. I have thought about all the things I didn't get to say or do with my brother, when he was here we lived life as it would never end and counted on the other being there till the end! And sadly the end came for Shane much soon then I could have ever imagined.

Will I see my brother again? Well this is something that I truly wonder! I don't know if there is a heaven or a hell. But one thing I do believe is there is some sort of after life, and what ever it is my brother is there living whats next. He has the answers to the many questions we all have in our lives. There won't be a day that goes by that my brother will be forgotten, his memory will always live on in me! I am so thankful for every memory of my brother and appreciate everything he was able to do in this life!

My Tribute to Shane is extented to his Memorial Website at: shaneforever.com

Past Memories!

Today I get online to find this picture posted on my myspace.com page from a high school friend. Its a picture from 1992 of my Twin Brother Shane with his friends. You can see him with his big smile on the far left. Boy did so many emotions hit home when I saw this picture. But it was so sweet of her to send it, and I guess its the thought that she thinks of Shane as many do from time to time. I have so many memories of my brother and since his passing it seems as though they all coming rushing in at all different times. Life is so weird, we go through so much joy and struggles and we still fight on for another day.

We all can remember the fun times when we were younger and we didn't have so many cares in the world. We seemed to have been just lost in time. We were told by are parents and family to enjoy your time now as it goes so fast! And truly it does go fast.

Sometimes I wonder if this is hell and we are living it? I know some will say no way but we experience so much pain through our lives and it just seems so unreal at times...

My Grief!

Well it's the weekend, not to much going on here! I guess it's just another day to me. Seems as though the days are not the same to me anymore, I guess its dealing with the loss of my brother has been really hard. Some seem to think that I am dwelling on things to much, but its hard when you loose someone so close. Where my life is headed I don't know, but I know that right now things are truly difficult, I guess I try not to deal with things so completely as it hurts to think that my brother is gone and my be forgotten. Not that I would ever forget my brother, it's just parts of me thinks that he is still here with us and this is not real. Keeping his memory alive is something that helps me through the hard times.

So many times in life we forget so many memories as we get older, and one of the major reasons I started this blog is to help me have something that I can look back on in the future. I hold everything of my brother so dear and I wish he had more things that spoke of who he was such as this. I am no special person, and my words are only that "words". If someone reads what I write then that's nice, and I hope that the ones that do are getting to know me a little better.

Death is not something that anyone really plans for! Why? We all know it is comming but yet we don't prepare and that sad. Since Shane died I realize that even more then ever before. Relationships seem to come and go in my life and the one true person that was there for me is gone and that's very difficult. I don't ask for a shoulder to cry on, I just say my grief is mine and I will be who I am and deal with life and my struggles how I have in the past and that's with my strength and ability to survive.

In no way do I intend to offend anyone, but I want to be honest!

Duane "Dog" Chapman Arrested?

News from the Associated Press:

HONOLULU - TV reality star Duane “Dog” Chapman and two co-stars on his show were arrested Thursday in Hawaii on charges of illegal detention and conspiracy in the bounty hunters’ capture three years ago of a cosmetics company heir.

Chapman, son Leland Chapman and associate Timothy Chapman were taken into custody and did not resist arrest, said Mark Hanohano, U.S. Marshal for the district of Hawaii. “It went down without incident,” Hanohano said.

Mona K. Wood, a publicist for the star of the popular cable series “Dog The Bounty Hunter,” said Chapman would be vindicated. “He arrests the bad guys — and he is definitely not one of them,” she said.

The charges stem from Chapman’s capture of Max Factor heir Andrew Luster on June 18, 2003, in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, said Marshals spokeswoman Nikki Credic in Washington.

Chapman’s capture of Luster, who had fled the country while on trial on charges he raped three women, catapulted the 53-year-old bounty hunter to fame and led to the reality series on A&E.

My take on this:

Now this is just crazy! We have a man that was wanted for rape and these guys go and do what our goverment does all the time. They went to Mexico to bring back a fugitive. Now we all see the stories on tv when the FBI and such go to mexico and bring back a fugitive. This is wrong that these guys have been arrested. Someone needs to step up and stop this! I watch the Tv Show all the time, and I will tell you these guys, although rough on the outside do have a heart and help many people. Why did our Government issue a federal warrant? Where is our country going to?

Updated September 16th, 2006:

Duane "Dog" Chapman and two co-stars accused of illegal detention and conspiracy in the bounty hunters' capture of a cosmetics company heir in Mexico posted bail and were released Friday.

Chapman was released on $300,000 bail after spending the night in a federal detention center and his co-stars on the popular A&E show "Dog The Bounty Hunter" were freed on $100,000 bail each.

Words have Meaning!

Was surfing pictiger.com today and came across this writing, and I really would have to say its very true.

We should live our days as if today is our last, life is way to short to have regrets. Sometimes it seems as though we are all to busy to spend time with our family and friends, or we put off some things that we always say we can do tomorrow.

One thing I can say, is I know that there will be a day that there is no tomorrow for me. But I have learned through many hardships that life is wonderful, and that enjoying our everyday is the most important!

Just another day!

Just another day! Sitting here at home relaxing... Slept the day away as nothing exciting was going on. Right now I am just trying to relax and listen to some music from the 80s. Alot on my mind tonight, was watching TV for a few but my mind kept wondering to other things. The days are not the same since the Death of Shane, I know things happen for a reason but it just makes it hard. So many things remind me of my brother, he was really a big part of my life and it is still so on real to me that he is gone.

Probably gonna surf the net awhile and do some postings to my friends on myspace.com, and that's about.

My Cartoon Image!

Well I always wondered what I would look like if I were in a Cartoon.!Well now I know, truthfully I think It looks really cool. Aren't I the hottest cartoon image you ever saw?

If you want one for your self you can go to:
www.avatars.yahoo.com

Wow thats what that button does!

OMG! Thats what I said when I accidently hit the wrong button and deleted my entire blog. Can we say I wa like pissed, I use the internet alot and for me to delete everything just has never happened. But luckly I had copies of my blog sent to my moms email so she could read my entries, so now we are back up and running.

My Pussy is Great!

My Cat Prince has it great! He lives this easy life of napping when and where ever he wants! He doesn't have to even get his own food, it's there for him and if not then he's gonna let me know.

I have had cats in the past, but Prince makes sure he gets all the attention. He seems to really enjoy tag, every time he gets the chance he grabs ahold of me with his paws and then take off like lightening. It seems as though he always know when it is bed time cause he is hiding under the bed read to suprise attack me as soon as I get into bed. And when ever I am sick or alone, he is the one right there to give me company.

Prince is so kind and gentle, and lives his life without the many up hill battles we have. To bad we don't have it as easy as this guy!

Brian is not Forgotten!

My cousin Brian Ferree sadly pasted away in 2005 after a badly with Cancer. At the young age of 30; Brian had accomplished so much. From this picture of Brian with our Grandma you can see his cheerful smile which he carried with him throughout his life.

I remember calling down to the hospital and speaking to Brian during the final stages of his battle, and I asked him how he was doing? He was a strong individual and this was no different, he said to me; "I am doing good and am working to go home in a few days". I told Brian my brother and I would be driving down to see him and he said; "no need, I will be out of here soon and we can see each other when I get home". Brian was a person to think of others before himself, and he didn't want us driving the 2 hour trip to the hospital. Well sadly things made a turn for the worse and we received the call things were bad. My brother and I drove to see Brian, and although he was not able to talk to us as he was in a deep sleep, I know he knew we were there. Funerals are not something anyone enjoys, but I can say when I was there paying my respects along with my family; I realized Brian had touched so many lives in his time with us.

There are so many memories I have of when I was younger and we would go visit for the summer. He truly will be remembered for all his wonderful acts. With the passing of Brian and then my Brother I learn every day how we need to enjoy the time we have with the ones we love.

Visit his Memorial Website: http://ferreefamily.com

Gay Pride!

Well to those of you whom know me, know one thing about me; and that is I am Gay. Now I am not a Gay Guy that goes around making sure everyone knows is gay or acting like I don't have enough rights or such. I guess I am a some what straight acting Gay Guy who is very comfortable with who I am. Some people seem to be threatened by someone who may be gay; this may be for me reasons. I have learned in my life that one should life life to their fullest and not to hide who we are because someone else would not like it.

One of the hardest things I every had to do was tell my family I was gay; the thought of rejection or such is a big worry for most gay people who are not out. But one thing I can say is my family is 100% supportive. My Twin Brother would make sure to make it clear that he liked woman, but he never looked down on me and was very proud of who I am. I remember when I told twin Shane I was gay, it's kind of funny cause I had learned to refer to my bf as my gf when I was not out (known as gay) to my family and friends. Shane said to me when I told him "Really, that's cool, I just thought you were dating a big girl and never wanted to bring her around".

And after that it was nothing for my family and friends to except me for who I am. Rather you Gay, Straight, White, or Black I have learned you need to be Pride in yourself. Don't worry what others may think, it's what's inside you that matters.

Our Best President Yet!

Usually I would never post something like this. But come on, this guy is nothing but a joke.

This picture I found online speaks loudly; as to how people feel our President has put us where he has. I do understand that he doesn't control everything, but this man has really screwed us in so many ways.

First off; This war needs to be over, we spend all this money to fight and fight and nothing will change in Iraq. 50 years from now there will be another dictator in that country who will do the same thing. Guess I am somewhat bias as I don't believe we should be over there any how, and its frustrating how we were all lied to by our government so that we would give our support. Look at our economy, it just seems to get worse and worse, but of course the rich seem to be making it through the hard times. At least good old George Bush is making sure they get their tax breaks. I guess this is what goes on in this country. My brother Shane was 100% Republican, and a big Bush Supporter. He agreed that things would have been a lot better with a Democrat in office instead of this guy. Hopefully when the 2008 election comes things will get better with the changing of a President; hopefully Democrat.

My Friend Tiffany!

This is an image of my friend Tiffany, she didn't have a picture online so this is what I came up with. Just finished helping my friend Tiffany get her Myspace.com account up and going. It seems as though Myspace.com is the new online, place to be, and of course you know I have an account.

I had to write something about Tiffany as she is a sweetie and although we haven't seen each other in awhile we still talk online or on the phone when ever possible. And although she is my ex girlfriend we have developed a great friendship.

My Friends are True to Me!

I have learned in life many things and one of the most important is that a true friend is very hard to find.

Although I may have a few friends that are close I have 3 true friends that I really can say have been there for me during the hardships, success and joys of my life. Now don't fight over who got put in what order girls!!!

My friend Jaqui; I have know since 1995, and no matter what she has been there for me and is always got a open ear when ever I need a friend. Seems as though with our busy lives we may not see each other a lot, but she is always online when I need to talk, or always willing to offer to take me out to the bar when I need to get away. One of my greatest memories is when I turned 25, which of course is not the most important birthday. But my bf decide to through me a birthday party which was one of the best I have ever had. Jacqui wasn't able to come but she still found time to stop by really quick and bring bottle of champagne; now I don't drink and she knew that, and it was just her way of showing she cared. This bottle of champagne I still have and amazingly I still have her as my friend.

My friend Jessica; I have know since 2001, she has truly shown me what a friend really is. We met amazingly cause she was the friend of my BF. We really didn't like each other at first, until she wanted to move back to Michigan and I got talked into letting her move in with us. This was of course the greatest thing ever. We have created such a strong bond of trust and understanding. She has taught me that one can not judge another, as we are not perfect in the roads we take in life. One of the greatest memories I have of Jessica is when we bother were dealing with personal issues in our lives and we jumped in the car together and went to a local bar and sat there for some time talking about our lives. There have been so many times we have sat on the phone all night talking about anything and everything.

My friend Terin; I have know since 2001. What can I say besides she is one of the most caring and kind hearted people I have ever met in my life. She is one of those people that would do anything for you if you asked. Terin is not just a friend to me she is like my sister, our bond is strong and she has really been there no matter what. One of the greatest memories I have of me and Terin is when I lived with her one summer in 2005. She and I went driving through town hunting down yard sales. Now I am not a person to go to yard sales, but believe me if you go with Terin its fun; and yes you can find some really cool stuff. Terin is such a wonderful person, and I count myself lucky you have her as one of my friends. And she has some really cool toys to, just ask her about them!

Now those of you that didn't make the list, please work harder and there might be room for a 4th true friend. Just joking, I appreciate all my friends...

Shawnforever.com?

Well, I guess I figured it would be cool to have my own domain address. I wanted my name as a domain but some real estate guy already had it! Who does he think he is selling houses with my name?

Anyways you can now type in Shawnforever.com and it will bring you here, which is kinda neat. Now you have no reason to say you couldn't remember the web address...

Are Dreams Real?

Are Dreams Real? Well I have asked myself that question before! Is it possible we can see the future or even be contacted by someone who has passed?

Previously I have dreamed of something before it happened, don't laugh I am serious. But to the point of this posting, I awoke last night after a dream of my Twin Brother Shane. Of Course one would assume that dreaming of my Twin Brother Shane would certainly happen. This dream was very vivid unlike dreams I have had of different things in the past. The dream starts out with me sitting in a vehicle with Shane at a stop sign; we are waiting for traffic to pass to pull out onto this very large road with maybe five or more lanes. From what I can see the road has a sharp curve and makes it almost impossible to see the traffic coming around the curve from the left. Straight across from us is of course the road way, but beyond that is this very beautiful large lake or ocean. As I always do when riding with someone I tell him to hurry up and go, but there is so much traffic and he says to me: "Brother, I got it". As we are sitting there I think to myself: "how can we pull out if we can't see the traffic around the curve?". As the traffic continues my brother pulls out like he knew exactly what was coming and knew when the perfect time was to pull out. As we slide into traffic I begin to talk to my brother, and we talk of his passing. I begin to get very upset while talking with him as I tell him that I miss him so much and that its very hard without him here. I begin to cry in the car with him, and I just keep telling him how much I am sorry for not appreciating everything he did for me. Shane looks over at me and says: "Shawn, I miss and love you a lot, but I want you to know I am okay and am at peace"...

These words he spoke touched me with a overwhelming sense of safeness and understanding that my brother was ok and was making sure that I knew he want me to know he is with me. The dream ended as most dreams do by me wake up. Of course I tried to go back to sleep to try to recover the dream, but this time nothing came but sleep...

I don't know if Shane was able to communicate with me, but I truly believe if its possible that he wanted me to know things are ok and he is at peace...

Growing Older with Time!

Well the weekend is over, not very eventful. Spent most of the weekend at home relaxing and online.

Falls coming here in Michigan, and so thought I would post this picture I found online and saw my Grandmother on Saturday, she is doing well but time is going faster for her by the day. She has always been a wonderful person to me, I don't know what the days will be like once she is gone. Mostly I try to enjoy the time she is here with us.

Since the loss of Shane I have realized how important the time is we have here, and spending the time with the ones we love and care for should always be the most important us. Every time I go visit my Grandma in that nursing home, I see the many people that live there and continue to live on knowing that those final days are near. It's sad to see the ones that have no one to spend time with them and who just waiting to die as I would put it. We are all grow older with time!